I have struggled for years, DECADES with my weight. I carried a little extra in high school, nothing significant. However, after I got married and started college, that’s when I really packed on the pounds. It just kept getting worse. Every year I would gain between 10-20 pounds. When I was younger, it bothered me. I was a bit more insecure. I worried a lot about my appearance, as many women do. Yet, over the last couple of years, as I rebounded from a previous failed diet, I started to become indifferent to my appearance. I accepted this is what I look like. Its not too bad. I’m not ashamed. I can work with this. While this is generally a good thing, its not been such a good thing for me numbers wise. First of all, I have taken my lack of caring about my appearance and being ok with being obese as a free pass to consume whatever and whenever I want.
By giving up one of my major incentives of losing weight, it backfired and sent me traveling into the other extreme direction bringing me to the weight that I am now. The most I have ever weighed in my life. I am about 235 pounds at 5’3. I am not afraid to tell people how much I weigh. I have always thought it was weird how people hide the number as if that’s what mattered and not their appearance. I mean we can visually see your physic, the number is just a number. Weird yea?
So what gives? If you follow my outdoors blog, you know that I have been rving and it takes a bit of effort physically to do it, and while I have been able to keep up, I know I could be doing a better job.
I am in my 40s and I am not done with exploring this world. I am not finished going deep into nature and enjoying its gifts. There are so many things I wish to see and do, and it has gotten very important to me to do these things. Nature is where I unwind. Nature is where I am at peace. I need the outdoors. I need the oceans, rivers, and lakes. The paths, the mountains, all of it. My mid life crisis is taking up all the things I have wanted to do, but never “had time for”. I’m done with excuses.
So my quality of life and aging is a factor I need to contend with. My lab work could be better, my blood pressure could be better. I am just ready to try again.
I fell of the horse a couple of years ago and now I am ready to hop back on. I know the thinking is negative, but it isn’t wrong. Time’s a ticking and I gotta get kicking. If not now, when?